The Friday Fry-Up - 29th June 2012

Condensed moments of madness from the past week.


I read on Saturday that Ashleigh Butler wants to appear on the next run of Strictly Come Dancing but without Pudsey the dancing dog. This could be best as with Nancy Dell'Olio on the last series, we really don't want too much repitition.


Apparently they are discussing the possibility of allowing prisoners to have sex while in jail. If this comes to pass, I may have to commit a crime and go and have some as I am not getting any as a free man, well not for free anyhow...


As the government and the mathematically challenged George Osborne made another U-turn this week, they sent little mouse Chloe Smith to take the Jeremy Paxman fired bullets. Now we all know that not only is George Osborne a rich clown who likes dicky bows, he is also a childish wimp who sends an un-briefed woman out to do his dirty work because he is not man enough to do the job he is paid for himself.

Another incident involving a "Free Cash Machine" this week. I said that it was mine when I tried to get it out and that RBS hadn't officially made it mine yet, but they didn't believe me. Also bail didn't come through so I spent two nights in the clink. Got some nice sex though, although he was a little hairy if I am honest.

The football team was announced this week for the Olympics and there was a glaring omission from the squad in the form of David Beckham. Now it is true that he is a little long in the tooth for major competition, but as an Olympic Ambassador he was key to us even gaining the event in the first place. Therefore to not pick him is ridiculous, and anyway its not as if we are going to win it, is it?


So Fifty Shades Of Grey is the fastest million selling book ever, well you are going to need another copy once the juices are running as it does make a mess of the pages.


Happy to see my Maria Sharapova making safe-ish progress at Wimbledon, what better time to have another look at the goods.

Maria Sharapova - New balls please, mine are empty.

That Harry Style's is a lad ain't he! As a gentlemen in my early thirties, I really couldn't imagine having a sordid, rampant, highly sexually charged, no hold's barred affair with an eighteen year old. Sorry, I have come over all hot now...

I think I need a lie down, so let me finish by saying a final farewell to Nora Ephron, writer of all those kind of films I wouldn't watch other than the fact that Meg Ryan was in some of them. Enjoy this, one of those perfect movie moments.