Watching porn is bad for you apparently. Well tell that to my optician, he will tell you that I have perfect 2/2 vision.
However MPs have claimed that pornography is too easy for teenagers to get hold of on the internet. Thank god they didn't spend too much on experts to work that one out.
The question is though, is watching dirty films in your formative years a bad thing? At least it isn't a solitary experience, because as all men know you are never alone with a dirty magazine and a roll of loo paper.
A Small Mind of course had to grow up in a time before such Internet thrills due to his extreme age. A computer in his day featured pixelated cartoon breasts and not a whiff of the Internet. Therefore the dirty magazine was his mainstay of entertainment.
However I deviate (not for the first time), the question is what actual damage does it do to a young mind? Probably a lot less than those suits in London think, I am sure when they were young they were rubbing Jimmy up the right way frequent enough, and look what its done for them. The Internet though does provide a much more vivid and graphic experience, so I am told. Out there is a much more shocking experience than staining that ragged copy of Penthouse or Readers Wives ever did.
I seriously think that Internet and computer usage is still the responsibility of the parents, and not the nanny state. Whether the fact that little Johnny might go out and kill someone after playing Grand Theft Auto, or other devious things after watching Shaven Sluts 3 is not going to be something that the government can control and in all likelihood these things don't happen anyway apart from in the world of the Daily Mail. Like all crimes and deviant ideas, it is in the mind of the individual and not created by films and games.
Having said all this, if I hadn't had so much access to porn through the years, I might still be able to walk straight, not see things all blurry and not get hard when I go into the local newsagents.
Sunday 29 April 2012
Friday 27 April 2012
The Friday Fry-Up - 27th April 2012
Condensed moments of madness from the past week!
Under heavy threat from The Voice, Saturday night saw Simon Cowell beat a hasty retreat with his trousers half down, therefore wearing them the same as everyone else. Who would have known that spinning chairs would have been required to defeat the might of the Cowell, most people thought that ordinary ones would have managed to beat the crap on show on Britains Got Talent.
Managed to successfully finish the London Marathon, despite the batteries failing in the TV remote.
Awesome performance from Chelsea the other night, she really does play a great character in Waterloo Road.
Sad to see my poor old buddy Rupert "the bearly there" Murdoch getting so much stick on Wednesday and Thursday. It was obvious he was innocent of all wrong doings and didn't to be honest have much idea where indeed he even was. Fancy asking him all them questions. I mean, who knew that the Conservatives won the 1992 election? And surely it was totally unfair to say that his newspapers were political, I mean they have always made sure that they are supporting the winning party, that can't be political can it?
Damn disappointing that A Small Mind has not been selected to be the new judge on the next series of Strictly Come Dancing. I even told them that I would be happy to wear a dress if they needed to be sure of a fair sex balance between the judges. To be honest though, I am still trying to work out whether the other one is Bruno or Craig, I sincerely hope that its not Len.
Jeremy Hunt, what a... thoroughly foolish person.
Went into Greggs the other day and they stuck a thermometer in my pastie before paying for it. Thank god it wasn't my sausage...
Just got back from a screening of Avengers Assemble and was extremely disappointed. Crazy enough not to have Emma Peel or Purdey in it, but to have dropped John Steed is just insane.
Under heavy threat from The Voice, Saturday night saw Simon Cowell beat a hasty retreat with his trousers half down, therefore wearing them the same as everyone else. Who would have known that spinning chairs would have been required to defeat the might of the Cowell, most people thought that ordinary ones would have managed to beat the crap on show on Britains Got Talent.
Managed to successfully finish the London Marathon, despite the batteries failing in the TV remote.
Awesome performance from Chelsea the other night, she really does play a great character in Waterloo Road.
Sad to see my poor old buddy Rupert "the bearly there" Murdoch getting so much stick on Wednesday and Thursday. It was obvious he was innocent of all wrong doings and didn't to be honest have much idea where indeed he even was. Fancy asking him all them questions. I mean, who knew that the Conservatives won the 1992 election? And surely it was totally unfair to say that his newspapers were political, I mean they have always made sure that they are supporting the winning party, that can't be political can it?
Damn disappointing that A Small Mind has not been selected to be the new judge on the next series of Strictly Come Dancing. I even told them that I would be happy to wear a dress if they needed to be sure of a fair sex balance between the judges. To be honest though, I am still trying to work out whether the other one is Bruno or Craig, I sincerely hope that its not Len.
Jeremy Hunt, what a... thoroughly foolish person.
Went into Greggs the other day and they stuck a thermometer in my pastie before paying for it. Thank god it wasn't my sausage...
Just got back from a screening of Avengers Assemble and was extremely disappointed. Crazy enough not to have Emma Peel or Purdey in it, but to have dropped John Steed is just insane.
I was going to write some more stuff, but I am afraid that I have had a Murdoch moment...
Tuesday 24 April 2012
TV Review: The Gadget Show - World Tour
Last night saw the return of the Channel 5 tech geek show and for those that had watched the show since its beginning in 2004, things would have appeared a great deal different. And I am not on about the HD that had finally bought a technology programme into its own realm at last.
Gone was the sophisticated Mr Jon Bentley, the ever so properly spoken elder presenter who knew his stuff and bought the gravitas quite often needed, despite his younger presenters frequently mocking him.
Gone was the screamer, Ortis Deley. The somewhat haphazard presenter, who had bought fun to the show, mostly at his expense.
Gone, and most significantly, the one and only Suzi Perry. Often referred to as the first lady of gadge, and now cast aside, because? Who knows, maybe the travesty of modern television, because there was a younger model on offer?
So what remained of the show that devoted fans loved? Well first and foremost, Jason Bradbury, the shiny topped individual with occasional cap. The guaranteed driving force of the show, and whether you liked his hyper-antics or not, a required staple of the show, and if he had gone, there perhaps really would be no hope for the series.
And also, we had the newest recruit to the series, Pollyanna Woodward, the glamour to Jasons, non-glamour. The younger substitute for Suzi, but lacking somewhat in the personality department, and certainly in the knowledge of the subject.
So to the show, what of it? Despite such dramatic changes, it wasn't as bad as had been feared. Still the basic principles of the show were there, a bit of random testing, a bit of destruction testing, and a challenge. The latter perhaps being the bane of the recent series, where the challenge of the week had started to overshadow the whole show.
The first of the so-called world tour started worryingly in the tech planet that is Japan, and gave me more of a concern that the show was firing its whole load in the first week. After all, how do you go up from the creators of nearly everything tech?
The format itself therefore was pretty much the same as it had always been, although they were trying to dress it up as a world tour. Unfortunately there was some glaring issues, the talking heads parts the most significant. Where our presenters would talk to the camera in a mock-interview way about their experience. These felt like a totally inadequate replacement for the studio bound scenes of old and just didn't work.
Likewise the rapport between our two presenters wasn't there. Whether it be fake or not, the dynamic interplay between Jason and Suzi had frequently made the show and this was glaring by it absence. Even Jason, the hyper-active monster felt somewhat dormant, where before he would be that energetic as to pop out of the screen at you, this just felt very clinical.
The very beginning also set the scene for what Polly was in the show for, rather that the previously mentioned knowledge. Dressing her up as a Manga character in the first section of the series demeaned any hope for her importance, and seeing her knickers before five minutes had passed may well have proved enlightening for some, but simply proved what she was there for.
Summing up though, it was watch-able, like it has always been. However sadly it was a long way from an improvement and no prospect for the future. The new format simply won't stand the test of time, as it would never be current, like they were able to make the studio scenes. The reduction to two presenters also will not work, where as before with three to the latter five, you could get away with those presenters you hated, because the next piece would be with someone else, if you hate these two, or are indifferent to them, you are stuck in a hard place.
The only way I can see the Gadget Show returning at all after this series, is to return quickly to the old format, with perhaps a little less of the challenges. Personally though, I fear that Channel 5 have set the death-knell for the series, and this will be a crying shame.
Gone was the sophisticated Mr Jon Bentley, the ever so properly spoken elder presenter who knew his stuff and bought the gravitas quite often needed, despite his younger presenters frequently mocking him.
Gone was the screamer, Ortis Deley. The somewhat haphazard presenter, who had bought fun to the show, mostly at his expense.
Gone, and most significantly, the one and only Suzi Perry. Often referred to as the first lady of gadge, and now cast aside, because? Who knows, maybe the travesty of modern television, because there was a younger model on offer?
So what remained of the show that devoted fans loved? Well first and foremost, Jason Bradbury, the shiny topped individual with occasional cap. The guaranteed driving force of the show, and whether you liked his hyper-antics or not, a required staple of the show, and if he had gone, there perhaps really would be no hope for the series.
And also, we had the newest recruit to the series, Pollyanna Woodward, the glamour to Jasons, non-glamour. The younger substitute for Suzi, but lacking somewhat in the personality department, and certainly in the knowledge of the subject.
So to the show, what of it? Despite such dramatic changes, it wasn't as bad as had been feared. Still the basic principles of the show were there, a bit of random testing, a bit of destruction testing, and a challenge. The latter perhaps being the bane of the recent series, where the challenge of the week had started to overshadow the whole show.
The first of the so-called world tour started worryingly in the tech planet that is Japan, and gave me more of a concern that the show was firing its whole load in the first week. After all, how do you go up from the creators of nearly everything tech?
The format itself therefore was pretty much the same as it had always been, although they were trying to dress it up as a world tour. Unfortunately there was some glaring issues, the talking heads parts the most significant. Where our presenters would talk to the camera in a mock-interview way about their experience. These felt like a totally inadequate replacement for the studio bound scenes of old and just didn't work.
Likewise the rapport between our two presenters wasn't there. Whether it be fake or not, the dynamic interplay between Jason and Suzi had frequently made the show and this was glaring by it absence. Even Jason, the hyper-active monster felt somewhat dormant, where before he would be that energetic as to pop out of the screen at you, this just felt very clinical.
The very beginning also set the scene for what Polly was in the show for, rather that the previously mentioned knowledge. Dressing her up as a Manga character in the first section of the series demeaned any hope for her importance, and seeing her knickers before five minutes had passed may well have proved enlightening for some, but simply proved what she was there for.
Summing up though, it was watch-able, like it has always been. However sadly it was a long way from an improvement and no prospect for the future. The new format simply won't stand the test of time, as it would never be current, like they were able to make the studio scenes. The reduction to two presenters also will not work, where as before with three to the latter five, you could get away with those presenters you hated, because the next piece would be with someone else, if you hate these two, or are indifferent to them, you are stuck in a hard place.
The only way I can see the Gadget Show returning at all after this series, is to return quickly to the old format, with perhaps a little less of the challenges. Personally though, I fear that Channel 5 have set the death-knell for the series, and this will be a crying shame.
Saturday 21 April 2012
Royal Mail Ruckus.
A Small Mind is enraged. Not for the first time.
This morning he had a heated discussion with an over officious Royal Mail delivery person. Happening to be reliving himself at the time, I was unfortunate to miss a delivery of a parcel at the door.
Upon finding a ticket in the doorway for said parcel, I looked out upon the street and saw that the dear old post person (political correctness here) was returning on the other side of the street.
Stepping from my door and crossing said street, I presented said post person with the aforementioned card, I requested the item that he had been unable to deliver to me. Only to be told that he was unable to give parcels over in the street and that he would return to attempt delivery later.
Shocked at the bizarreness of this situation I returned across the road, home. Upon observing said previous aforementioned post person complete his delivery up the street, I prepared for his return to deliver the afore-aforementioned parcel.
Disturbingly the previously mentioned post person disappeared around the corner into the wilderness. Surprised by this, but still expecting the return, I waited patiently.
After an unspecified time, the post person did not return. Unfortunately, A Small Mind had places to go, people to upset and his need to leave was now. As a final hope of obtaining his parcel, A Small Mind grabbed the failed delivery ticket and set out with the attempt to meet the post person once again and explain that I had to depart these fair streets in pursuit of life.
Meeting the post person once again in the next street, I heartily explained that I was in need of leaving these wonderful homes and that I would not be able to receive the parcel should he return soon to attempt to deliver.
'I am afraid that as I have previously explained I cannot hand over parcels in the street.'
I waved the ticket at him and said, 'how on earth could I have got hold of this ticket so quickly, unless I was the resident of the house. You even saw me leave the house in question earlier!'
'I am sorry, but I cannot hand over parcels in the street, I can't afford to risk my job' he said over officiously.
I got out a bank card (Barclay's I say, product placement here) and said:
'Here is my bank card, it has my name on it, the same name as on the parcel, surely this proves who I am!'
'Look' he said, 'I have told you I cannot hand over parcels in the street. You are not listening to me!'
Sadly, A Small Mind was listening and hearing every ridiculous word.
Royal Mail policy perhaps, but being used to within an inch of its life. The post person in question, knows enough of me to know who I am. He has delivered for many years on a round two streets away and was simply covering the round today. A round that usually has a most professional deliverer, who actually tries to deliver the mail.
A Small Mind sadly does not have the said said parcel, and is reliably informed that he can pick it up from the depot (a few miles away), but not before 48 hours have passed.
Just over a week before a bank loan will be required to post a letter, I sit here mightily impressed by this wonderful service.
This morning he had a heated discussion with an over officious Royal Mail delivery person. Happening to be reliving himself at the time, I was unfortunate to miss a delivery of a parcel at the door.
Upon finding a ticket in the doorway for said parcel, I looked out upon the street and saw that the dear old post person (political correctness here) was returning on the other side of the street.
Stepping from my door and crossing said street, I presented said post person with the aforementioned card, I requested the item that he had been unable to deliver to me. Only to be told that he was unable to give parcels over in the street and that he would return to attempt delivery later.
Shocked at the bizarreness of this situation I returned across the road, home. Upon observing said previous aforementioned post person complete his delivery up the street, I prepared for his return to deliver the afore-aforementioned parcel.
Disturbingly the previously mentioned post person disappeared around the corner into the wilderness. Surprised by this, but still expecting the return, I waited patiently.
After an unspecified time, the post person did not return. Unfortunately, A Small Mind had places to go, people to upset and his need to leave was now. As a final hope of obtaining his parcel, A Small Mind grabbed the failed delivery ticket and set out with the attempt to meet the post person once again and explain that I had to depart these fair streets in pursuit of life.
Meeting the post person once again in the next street, I heartily explained that I was in need of leaving these wonderful homes and that I would not be able to receive the parcel should he return soon to attempt to deliver.
'I am afraid that as I have previously explained I cannot hand over parcels in the street.'
I waved the ticket at him and said, 'how on earth could I have got hold of this ticket so quickly, unless I was the resident of the house. You even saw me leave the house in question earlier!'
'I am sorry, but I cannot hand over parcels in the street, I can't afford to risk my job' he said over officiously.
I got out a bank card (Barclay's I say, product placement here) and said:
'Here is my bank card, it has my name on it, the same name as on the parcel, surely this proves who I am!'
'Look' he said, 'I have told you I cannot hand over parcels in the street. You are not listening to me!'
Sadly, A Small Mind was listening and hearing every ridiculous word.
Royal Mail policy perhaps, but being used to within an inch of its life. The post person in question, knows enough of me to know who I am. He has delivered for many years on a round two streets away and was simply covering the round today. A round that usually has a most professional deliverer, who actually tries to deliver the mail.
A Small Mind sadly does not have the said said parcel, and is reliably informed that he can pick it up from the depot (a few miles away), but not before 48 hours have passed.
Just over a week before a bank loan will be required to post a letter, I sit here mightily impressed by this wonderful service.
Friday 20 April 2012
Bernie's Formula 1 Blood Money.
The mighty midget that is Bernie Ecclestone is to be applauded. Reluctantly.
He is the man that has unquestionably created the success that is Formula 1. A genuinely worldwide sport.
The only question is at what cost does he continue to drive the sport forward? The need to move the sport across the world has bought it into questionable locations. This weekend the worst of them. As people die on the streets of Bahrain, the multi-million entourage of F1 rides into town. The financial monster and environmental disaster all in one.
Last week China got the obvious benefit of the doubt with its own annual Grand Prix, after all they have held an Olympics, so there can't be any ethical reasons not to go there can there?
Bahrain is somewhat different, the battles are very apparent on the streets and if you work for Force India, you have already had to do a handbrake turn or two to escape those terribly inconvenient petrol bomb attacks. At least for two foot three Bernie, he is never going to be troubled by such things, as they are always surely going to pass over the head of someone so small.
The real question has to be why they chose to have the race this year, following the non-starter of 2011. Nothing has really changed from last year, after all battles overnight in villages and capital, Manama have taken place.
When confirming the other week that the race was to go ahead, Bernie kindly stated that the teams did not have to attend if they were concerned at all about safety. Adding that if they didn't they would however be susceptible to penalties and sanctions. Very nice.
It is very much a mess, and wasn't really necessary for this race to take place and endanger people in the name of sport and the need for money.
He is the man that has unquestionably created the success that is Formula 1. A genuinely worldwide sport.
The only question is at what cost does he continue to drive the sport forward? The need to move the sport across the world has bought it into questionable locations. This weekend the worst of them. As people die on the streets of Bahrain, the multi-million entourage of F1 rides into town. The financial monster and environmental disaster all in one.
Last week China got the obvious benefit of the doubt with its own annual Grand Prix, after all they have held an Olympics, so there can't be any ethical reasons not to go there can there?
Bahrain is somewhat different, the battles are very apparent on the streets and if you work for Force India, you have already had to do a handbrake turn or two to escape those terribly inconvenient petrol bomb attacks. At least for two foot three Bernie, he is never going to be troubled by such things, as they are always surely going to pass over the head of someone so small.
The real question has to be why they chose to have the race this year, following the non-starter of 2011. Nothing has really changed from last year, after all battles overnight in villages and capital, Manama have taken place.
When confirming the other week that the race was to go ahead, Bernie kindly stated that the teams did not have to attend if they were concerned at all about safety. Adding that if they didn't they would however be susceptible to penalties and sanctions. Very nice.
It is very much a mess, and wasn't really necessary for this race to take place and endanger people in the name of sport and the need for money.
The Lonely Blog.
The poor little blog cried.
He sobbed and sobbed, tears streaking down his screen.
So long...
It had been so long.
Why had no one come?
Why oh why was he alone?
Things had started so happily, a regular drival of words.
Strewn across his New Post screens.
It had been crap, the lonely blog knew it, but there had still been enough to fulfil him
Some people came to read the tosh.
Occasionally, it had to be said, but there were enough of them.
He never really wanted to be hit a lot, but just some hits were always nice.
However then, just like that it had stopped.
Silence.
The keyboard did not ring with the clippity clippity of the keys.
Nothing came across the pixels.
No words, no people, no hits, no hope.
But!
What was this, someone was writing this.
A post about a lonely blog was being written and he was lonely no more.
Once again, it was waffle, just strange thoughts.
This time the thoughts of a blog.
A blog who was lonely.
This blog that had been lonely.
How had he known that he was lonely?
The no longer lonely blog didn't care.
He was happy, but he wondered.
Where was this post going?
It seemed much worse than normal.
Seemingly impossible but true!
The no longer lonely blog worried.
He feared that these words, these lines would never end.
Streaming down, pushing all the waffle far down the screen.
Would it ever end?
So long he had waited for these words to return.
Now he just wanted the shit to stop...
He sobbed and sobbed, tears streaking down his screen.
So long...
It had been so long.
Why had no one come?
Why oh why was he alone?
Things had started so happily, a regular drival of words.
Strewn across his New Post screens.
It had been crap, the lonely blog knew it, but there had still been enough to fulfil him
Some people came to read the tosh.
Occasionally, it had to be said, but there were enough of them.
He never really wanted to be hit a lot, but just some hits were always nice.
However then, just like that it had stopped.
Silence.
The keyboard did not ring with the clippity clippity of the keys.
Nothing came across the pixels.
No words, no people, no hits, no hope.
But!
What was this, someone was writing this.
A post about a lonely blog was being written and he was lonely no more.
Once again, it was waffle, just strange thoughts.
This time the thoughts of a blog.
A blog who was lonely.
This blog that had been lonely.
How had he known that he was lonely?
The no longer lonely blog didn't care.
He was happy, but he wondered.
Where was this post going?
It seemed much worse than normal.
Seemingly impossible but true!
The no longer lonely blog worried.
He feared that these words, these lines would never end.
Streaming down, pushing all the waffle far down the screen.
Would it ever end?
So long he had waited for these words to return.
Now he just wanted the shit to stop...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)