PHWOAR!!! Look At The Silver Sealed Bag On That!

The Co-Op have got their knickers in a twist over those naughty old lads mags it seems. Issuing an ultimatum to the publishers that they require a "modesty cover" for the filthy things so that they can continue profiting from selling them.

It would seem that some of the customers have had a grumble about seeing Kelly Brook's melons on the shelf while they test their plums for firmness in the fruit and veg aisles. If indeed there have been complaints. It could be that the whole thing may be engineering a bit of publicity for them or even they might be reacting to pressure from feminist campaigners, who are very active at present with many of the governments plans for online security over porn.

It would seem that the Co-Op are however doing a cover-up at present in many stores in any case:

So with these black covers over the mags it must be that we are dealing with a new species of children with Superman X-Ray powers and if that is the case no ladies bras and panties are safe from viewership even your granny.

However I get silly as is my want, this is a very serious business. I cannot help but see an outrageous double standard against us menfolk. I have not myself made a point of purchasing fashion magazines, but I believe you ladies do and I present exhibit A, an old cover of Vanity Fair:

Explicit but maybe not quite so suggestive I grant you, but that leads me to exhibit B, a much more recent offering from W magazine:

A little more suggestive maybe? However of course this is in the name of Art and that means we can get away with anything doesn't it!

I suspect that if Kim wants to get her knockers out again the Co-Op will be fine if its on a ladies lifestyle magazine, but if those breasts dare go near the cover of Esquire, Front, Nuts or any other of those filthy rags, its the silver bag treatment as them there breasts are going to corrupt our children!

Another mag that should be banished from the Co-Op shopping aisles is Rolling Stone, a serial offender if ever there was one, whether is be the cast of True Blood almost presenting their goods or Miranda Kerr keeping a good cover in front of the shrubbery:

So Co-Op if you are truly planning on protecting the fragile minds of the children that come in your store for their lollipops, I believe you are going to have to spread your view a touch wider, or maybe perhaps have a good think whether this material really does cause damage at all.

In the meantime I would be grateful if you could cover-up all that Justin Bieber material on your shelves. I really do find it quite offensive!

Theatre Review: The Hothouse by Harold Pinter at the Trafalgar Studios, London

This weekend saw my very first experience of a Harold Pinter play, the world famous playwright who I literally knew nothing about. I presumed some highbrow theatery stuff, all stuffy and indigestable. I know not why, I just for some reason assumed too much. Famous theatre playwright I thought, not going to be entertaining stuff for a commoner like me. It'll be like wading through treacle!

How wrong I was! Funny, sharp, cool, black (very black) and just so much fun! A literally endless cascade of glorious dialogue creating a somewhat open play which could be interpreted in many ways. To find yourself laughing so much at a play which contains torture, death, rape and murder seems strange and when leaving the theatre I heard many discussions about the contents, many not getting it, many not liking it. It could certainly be a play best not viewed if you do not get very black humour, fortunately I have no problem at all with this type of material, and got it very much.

The cast were superb throughout. Leads Simon Russell Beale and John Simm bouncing off one another wonderfully. The quiet, but yes, sinister Gibbs (Simm) being the perfect foil for "Colonel" Roote (Beale) as the over the top, blustering buffoon who knows none of his patients and lacks understanding of the left from the right. Both leads are excellent in their respective roles, but I did fear for Mr Beale's back as he lay bent over his chair in one of the clever freeze frame moments.

John Heffernan playing the roguish Lush was highly watch-able whether if be for his snow observations or magical cake moments (you OK in the front row now?). While Harry Melling as the (very) unfortunate Lamb gave a glorious physical performance in his role as the socially afflicted and obvious target of Gibbs. The third of the main supporting roles was Indira Varma as Miss Cutts, who crawled and sexually taunted the men throughout the play. And yes Miss Cutts, I do find that you are feminine enough!

The two tiny roles of Tubb and Lobb played by Clive Rowe and Christopher Timothy (thankfully without a cows bottom in sight) were well played in their all too brief appearances.

The set design, much like the last few plays I have seen was once again exemplary, clean efficient and not too cluttered, with the added fact that the front few rows are effectively on the stage, the whole thing was a glorious viewing.

So to my first Harold Pinter? Wonderful, enlightening, not what could ever have been expected. All in all a glorious two hours of entertainment. Just as long as you like your humour dark, very dark.


The Hothouse runs at Studio One at the Trafalgar Studios, London until Saturday 3rd August.

The Hothouse, Trafalgar Studios

FOR SALE: NORTHAMPTON GUILDHALL

• This lavish building in Northampton is a centrepiece of the market town at the heart of England.
• Constructed between 1861 and 1864 with an in-style extension built in 1992 this building has over the years had several not very careful owners.

• Presently full of hot air and self importance, it is important for the pension pot that there is a quick sale with no paper trail.
• The interior is of quality appearance with plush seating and many water coolers which upon sale will be topped up with quality mineral water.
•  The local facilities include a pub, a nightclub, another pub, another nightclub, some boarded up shops, some more pubs, some pound shops, toilet facilities in shop doorways and a couple of charity shops.
• Also although not actually on the property there is a rather splendid defunct water feature to the rear of the building which when powered up is able to sprinkle liberal amounts of urine deposited the previous evening from the local revellers.
• Another local feature is off-road rallying provided due to an innovative "pot hole" feature.
• As part of the purchase a statue titled Sekhemka will also be included which we are also not allowed to be selling either. However like they say this is democracy...