Theatre Review: The Duck House at the Vaudeville Theatre, London

From the moment Ben Miller strides onto the stage of the Vaudeville and delivers a concise and funny introduction to proceedings, I got the uncanny feeling that I was going to like this play. A lot.

Written by Dan Patterson (Mock the Week) and Colin Swash (Have I Got News For You and Private Eye), this is a comedy (read farce) of the highest order. Set in May 2009, that wonderful time when our beloved MP's were exposed as the expenses villains we now know them as, this is near the knuckle stuff. The early part takes great joy in creating comedy from what we now know, lampooning many that were later to be in government in a very knowing and very funny way.

The lead roll of MP on the turn Robert Houston is played with delicious exuberance by Ben Miller, when needed, channeling the supreme reaches of an out of control Basil Fawlty, while still being able to deliver those so subtle jokes so well. He just seems not only perfect for the role, but totally enjoying it. Making it all the better for us.

Having seen Miller on television a great deal, none of this is really a surprise. Simon Shepherd though for me was a standout surprise. Very much more familiar for serious roles, his part in this as Sir Norman Cavendish is a revelation. Giving his all, especially in his hysterical second act performance, he really was the surprise of the play.

The rest of the cast were unfamiliar to me (yes even Diana Vickers, what is The X-Factor?!?) but without a shadow of a doubt all are superb. Off the four Debbie Chazen is the best (Add Russian accent "Hello"); sadly very much underused in the second act, as Russian housekeeper Ludmilla. Pretty much stealing every scene she appears in, she is a delight.

That is not to detract from the remaining three performers, with Nancy Carroll superb as the technophobe wife Felicity Hoffman, and James Musgrave pulling off several costumes with style and verve, yes even that *spoilers* suit as son Seb. Diana Vickers has less to do as Seb's girlfriend Holly, only appearing in the second act, but having a "hard hitting" role and the best costume of the show, even more than that *spoiler* suit. Although I may be biased in that.

The set is perfect also, with the first act being very much a farce set, standard living room laden with goods (not sure who paid for them), while the second act set is bang on and neatly presented at the start by a startled Miller.

There is no question that if it is humanly possible for you to get to see this play then you should. Some of the funniest moments you are likely to see this year (or next), be it TV, film or theatre. Featuring the best acupuncture joke I have ever heard, the best use of a *spoiler* suit ever, impressive use of dairy product in a running gag and a cast performance from the gods. Please stop reading this and go and buy a ticket will you, but I am afraid that you are paying...

The Duck House is on at the Vaudeville Theatre, London until March 29th 2014.
www.vaudeville-theatre.co.uk/The-Duck-House.html

BREAKING NEWS: Father Christmas Pulls Out Of Northampton

In a news exclusive, a Small Mind can reveal that following lengthy talks with Legal & General, the seasonal visit of Father Christmas on the 25th December will now not be taking place.

In an exclusive interview, Mr Christmas said "Ho Ho Ho Ho. Residents of Northampton! I am so very sorry that my sleigh will not be passing over the skies of your fair town this year. I had been in talks for many months with Legal & General over terms, and unfortunately despite my very best efforts, I was unable to come to an agreement that met with my requirements. I hope to return, full of joy, with bells a ringing and sleigh a sleighing next year."

This news was surprising to residents of the town when I revealed it to them yesterday.

A resident "This is terrible news, my little boy is going to be traumatised now with this and will likely be in rehab for years to come!"

Another resident: "I can't believe this is happening! How am I going to explain all them toys that have pushed my credit card over the limit?"

A further resident: "Ahhhhhh a talking brain! In a jar!"

A Small Mind was unclear regarding the leverage of Legal & General in the town, so I consulted an expert for an explanation.

Eamonn Fitzpatrick (local businessman): "Three pound of potatoes for a pound. Any bowl of bananas a pound! This lengthy cucumber can be yours love for 80p. All my produce is better than that tat in Tescos."

A Small Mind then consulted another expert.

Mr Willy Gilder (BBC Radio Northampton political expert): "Well it turns out that rather surprisingly Legal & General have somewhat more power in the town than was first thought. I have discovered in papers hiding under Mr David Mackintosh's (leader of the council) desk that earlier this year Legal & General obtained the air rights within the town boundary and since then have held all the negotiations for air traffic. Therefore Mr Christmas was required to obtain air clearance for his sleigh to deliver all the parcels for the little girls and boys. This it would seem he was unable to obtain and has therefore had no choice but to pull out of Northampton."

With this shocking news discovered, a Small Mind spoke to several air users within the town for their opinions.

An air user: "I am outraged, my daddy took me to Abington Park and while I was playing with my remote controlled air plane, a man approached and asked whether we had clearance to use the air space. My daddy was then made to pay a fine from my pocket money! WAAAAAHHH!"

Another air user: "Mummy refused to pay that man the fine and he cut the string on my kite! WAAAAHHHH!"

A further air user: "Quack! Quack! Quackety! Quack! Quack!"

In an attempt to get further information, a Small Mind then contacted the Chronicle & Echo newspaper and through editor David Summers a statement was obtained from Northampton Borough Council.

"The news that Mr Father Christmas will not be visiting this year is off course unfortunate, however the Council has been working hard with Legal & General in obtaining an adequate replacement. Therefore we are happy to announce that following long negotiations, the wonderful locally based 99p stores will be providing quality toys from their range. These will all be delivered to little boys and little girls who have been nice and not naughty this year. We are hopeful that all deliveries will be made by the 30th January 2014.

We are also hopeful that negotiations can be resolved for Mr Father Christmas' involvement within the town next year."

Therefore, despite this obvious sad news. Having seen one of the plastic toys that will be this years presents and the quite splendid ribbon (20 metres for 99p) that is tied around it, it is obvious that the best has been made of an unfortunate incident.

The leader of Northampton Borough Council, Mr David Mackintosh was unavailable for comment.