The Murdoch Select Committee Meeting In Full With Pie.

The full uncut version of the Select Committee featuring Rupert and James Murdoch, with Louise Mensch nee Bagshawe, Karate Deng, The Pie Flinger Of Old London Town and Inspector Plod Of The Yard.

The L Word.

Now A Small Mind has a confession to make. Due to the shear number of messages that he has received in the last couple of days, he has come to consider that anonymity is not going to be a option. I did not wish to come forward with the news because of the inevitable demands from all of you, despite the fact that I cannot provide. Due to an unfortunate set of circumstances A Small Mind has been unsuccessful.

Therefore for all of you asking for photos of the lesbians romping in a park close to A Small Minds residence, I really am afraid that I cannot provide them. Despite being ten minutes from the location of hot lesbian action, I had the misfortune of not being a big beady eye on the spot. Sorry.

Also in other news, with the winner having come forward and to be announced this afternoon, I can also confirm that I have not won £161 millions pounds in the Lottery draw the other night.

Sadly due to a clerical error, also known as forgetfulness, A Small Mind did not even have an entry in the draw. Despite this slight problem, I was more than happy to dream of the various items I could do with the winnings.

Wine and women would of course be the obvious first, however I am clear in the fact that the latter of those two is currently not a problem at this time. As A Small Mind is a full and ready man with the ladies at his heals, usually doing unmentionable things.

However, what else to buy. Well when you have money that is making £10 interest every minute what can you not buy? A Chelsea football player perhaps, but other than that, everything could be yours. I may however draw the line at one of those pug ugly paintings that are currently the in-thing. If I wanted to see some freaky monstrosity with eyes in the wrong place and a vertical mouth, all I need do is look in the mirror.

So items of choice: cars, women, holidays, houses, more women, a pogo stick, some women, a hitman for Simon Cowell, News International, a boat, Rebekah Brooks, an island, Emma Watson, a space flight, Kylie Minogue, an unhackable PlayStation 3, Fearne Cotton, a Tardis, a pair of X-Ray glasses, Maria Sharapova, a copy of Windows that actually works, a bed big enough for six people, some fine wine, and finally a private investigator to find those lesbians and get some private viewings and pics for you dirty people.

How To Treat A Verruca.

An unfortunate medical complaint on the sole of the foot. A verruca is, although sometimes prolonged in treatment, easily fully removed.

There are however different forms of verrucae and these therefore need correct treatment.

If your verruca has an appearance similar to this:

Then standard over the counter treatment at a chemist would suffice. Salicylic acid is the usual treatment for this although treatment itself must be carefully done to avoid healthy skin areas as this can damage this severely.

Please be aware that the treatment for this although almost always successful can be long at times and frustrating.

However although that is a standard verrucae, there is also a more extreme form which needs more radical treatment.

If you verruca has an appearance identical to the following, please follow the advice following the image.

This is known as the Lesser seen Rebekah Brooks Verruca or its Latin name of Malum veneficus. There is currently only one known form of treatment for this and although it is undoubtedly an extreme method, all medical practitioners, including the renowned Doctor Rupert Murdokus of the Melbourne Institute agree that it is the only course of treatment.

If you find yourself the victim of this medical emergency, head straight to your local hospital immediately where the doctors will swiftly diagnose this extreme situation and amputate your leg.

It's A Kind Of Magic.

So A Small Mind has got his wand out again and is waving it all about. Hopefully also this will be the first time of doing without Police intervention.

The reason for this wand waving is all about Harry Potter And The Adventures Of His Last Film. Now A Small Mind has a confession to make at this point, he is not really that excited about this final film launch. Even more of a confession, he has not even seen any of the Harry Potter films, despite ITV seeming to show them with such frequency that they have got old James Bond worried about his domination.

However I am fully admiring of the fact that the Harry Potter franchise has managed to achieve world domination despite not having any endorsements from me. Also it is nice that so much money has fell so gracefully into J. K. "Potters of money" Rowling's purse.

The global phenomenon has been observed from a discreet distance therefore by A Small Mind and he has observed over the years the press reporting of the films. Everything from Daniel Radcliffe literally waving his wand about on stage in Equus, to the delectable Emma Watson's short cut hair debacle.

Everything has been revealed for the continued money making machine. However what now? When you have finished an epic adventure and found that damn ring or whatever is the relevant issue in Potters films, what is there left to do.

Does old Radcliffe get forever typecast as a boy wizard, only to return to fame in ten years time as an out of work wizard in the latest Ricky Gervais vehicle. Does Emma have to get her kit off just to shed her young stardom, just like Anne Hathaway. Well the latter A Small Mind is happy to confirm he is more than willing to see.

A Small Mind however is more suspicious that despite hundreds of pages of text and hundreds of minutes of film, we are unlikely to have really seen the end of Harry Potter from the world. No doubt we shall one day see Harry Potter And The Middle-Aged Spread at our local cinemas.

Finally Over The Hill.

A Small Mind has been watching with interest the news about Andrea "Money Bags" Hill, the now "removed" Suffolk County Council chief executive. On gardening leave since Easter due to an alleged complaint over bullying and harassment. After a prolonged analysis of the case, as only government/council bodies can do. Andrea Hill was cleared of that bullying issue.

However she leaves, but why? No real reason given for why she has been removed, and of course they shouldn't need to give a reason should they. Its not as if the lady with the salary £75,000 more than the Prime Minister, is paid for by the public is it. Oh sorry she was, silly me. However the hard working Suffolk residents don't need to know it would seem.

Mrs Hill had been in the spotlight sometime due to her impressive wage and Eric "ate all the" Pickles had been demanding she take a wage cut in these austere times. Especially as we were all in it together and £218,000 a year was perhaps rubbing it in a bit for those fighting for their jobs in the real world.

However Mrs Hill refused and was after all in the job to save the council money and paying her the wonderful outlandish amount would in the long term save the council money. Sadly it did not as she rested in a £205 hotel room which probably had more than a trouser press and coffee machine for an important conference.

Even upon her leaving for whatever reason the council saw, the members of the public paying their council tax can have a further slap in the face as she takes £218,592 compensation. Nice compensation if you can get it for getting allegedly sacked it would seem.

Interestingly speaking on Anglia Tonight, Councillor Mark Bee, Leader of Suffolk County Council said that the £218,592 was "very reasonable" and "an acceptable level". Interesting words that this is acceptable and it was nice for him to add that "it still feels a lot of money". He ain't kidding is he.

Anyway as Andrea drives away in her Mercedes, A Small Mind would like to state that he is more than happy to offer his services to Suffolk County Council. I am not sure of my abilities to do the job really, but I am sure that we can come to some sort of arrangement when you sack me.

That David Haye Interview Transcript In Full.

I feel ok physically. You know I took a few shots, I let a few more in than I normally do. But that's boxing, there's two champions in the ring. You're gonna take some punishment, You look at both of our faces, we're both a bit beaten up. There were some big exchanges thrown.


Wladimir boxed the perfect fight. He used his size and reach. I wasn't able to land my attacks as I'd like to. The reasons for that, partly the reason for that is that he's got very good defence and he moves back a lot. Erm, I definitely feel the majority of the reason, and I hate it when boxers make excuses after the fight, it makes me sick. Erm, but I broke my toe three weeks ago and there was no way i was going to pull out of this fight. Its one of those things that happens in training, you get injuries.


Wladimir might have broke his toe for all I know, when I stood on it. However that is another of the reason for me losing.


Also there were these guys in the front row who were really shouting mean things at me. When I say really mean, I mean really mean. They were commenting about the blouse I wore during the weigh-in, and the way I stood with my hands on my hips. They really were mean.


Also another reason was that I hurt my thumb opening a bag of sherbut dips last night and it really, really hurt when I put my glove on earlier. It was excruciating and I think anyone would have had trouble opening that bag of sweets. That plastic is really tough stuff. So many things are really difficult to get open these days. I mean the other day I had to take a jar of strawberry jam round to my eighty-three year old neighbour because I couldn't open it. When I left I did say I must have loosened it though.


Another reason for me losing was that there were some hot girls in the front row and I thought that I was in with a chance with at least one of them, so I kept giving them the eye. I know I should have been watching Wladimir, and that was probably the reason I didn't see that one coming. But there was no need for them girls to laugh at me like that and call me a big girl. It was very hurtful and put me off for the rest of the fight.

Also, during the fight I felt a little blister coming out on my other foot. The foot without the broken toe. Did I mention the broken toe? Oh, right I did. Anyway, blisters can be a real pain can't they and it was very distracting. I mean, how can someone fight if they know that later on while watching Emmerdale they are going to have to pop a blister?


Anyway, they were all the reasons for me losing, and I don't want any of you wimpy journalists writing nasty things about me making all these excuses or you may make me cry at my next press conference.