This year was a bit of a damp squib even for Eurovision, not anywhere near enough simply bizarre songs and performances that we all come to expect from the show, and for A Small Mind there were not quite enough hot ladies on display, despite there being a couple of crackers.
As always, I will make an exhaustive rundown of all the acts in a pointless manner and provide a suitable collection of YouTube links to selected performances.
1. UK - First on display in the unquestionable graveyard slot, where no one has a chance of winning was our very own song from Engelbert Humperdinck, an OK ballad that was never going to really win Eurovision, and for UK is was even less likely. Kudos to old Hump though as he managed to stand unaided throughout the performance.
2. Hungary - Not really much of a song, notable only for the use of pleather and a hoodie at the back having a good bash... on some sort of instrument.
3. Albania - A horrific, horrifying pain on the ears as Rona Nishliu screamed and squealed her performance like some sort of Poundshop Bjork. Amazingly this actually did well, picking up a number of full twelve pointers.
4. Lithuania - Bandanna across his eyes man with supposed reference to the title "Love Is Blind" and he had some very dodgy dance moves once the said bandanna was removed.
5. Bosnia & Herzegovina - Piano playing crumpet with funny shoulders, the best of the songs at this point, although this wasn't really saying a great deal.
6. Russia - WTF, I could say as the Russian grannies arrived on force. Not having heard this before the final but being aware of it, I had no real idea what to expect. The start provided some concern as they stood there rocking back and forth making the most horrific noise and then BANG. They were to the front of the stage and we were in perfect Eurovision territory which was obviously going to do well, if not win.
7. Iceland - Scary looking guy, but with a cute girl with big teeth and a violin. Damn my sophisticated comments.
8. Cyprus - A very nice looking lady dancing on and off a table made from books. My notes tell me she had a nice large mouth, not sure what I would be checking that out for...
9. France - A good looking lady in gold knickers, but I found myself distracted by, the sadly, male gymnasts.
10. Itally - My notes say Amy Whinehouse, and this was a heavily influenced tribute act, in both looks and performance.
11. Estonia - A handsome man which made me unhappy, but a very strong voice and a nice performance. I did fancy this ones chances and it finished a creditable sixth place.
12. Norway - Another hoodie, this time the singer. A very average performance and this was the one that took the bottom place after the voting.
13. Azerbaijan - Although distracted by a man who seemed to be sitting on a trampoline, this was performed by a nice young lady, who did though seem to have very dodgy hands.
14. Romania - Very much a Eurovision song performed by a nice well built lady. Backing performance provided by the most bizarre collection of musicians. As Graham Norton said "Only at Eurovision" and sadly there were not enough of these this year. Undeniably catchy though.
15. Denmark - A former busking lady in a sailors cap and uniform, nice to look at, less so to listen to. Maybe back to the busking after finishing in twenty-third place.
16. Greece - Financial crisis or not, this gorgeous young lady was worth her wait in Drachma's. The very definition of a Greek goddess.
17. Sweden - Very much Kate Bush inspired with all wavy arms and free flowing clothing, and this was to be the one.
18. Turkey - A bizarre, poor performance about sailing, nothing much more to say.
19. Spain - Allegedly told not to win because of the financial crisis, but the young lady gave a very good, and somewhat emotional performance.
20. Germany - Written by our own Jamie Cullum and sung by a guy in a beanie. Finished eighth.
21. Malta - Performed rather bizarrely by a chap who appeared to be wearing a golf glove, not up to much.
22. F.Y.R. Macedonia - A nice song, well performed by a lady who was well per-portioned rather than thin. Rather unkindly likened to Nancy Dell'olio by Mr Norton, perhaps a few (lot) of years back maybe, but not much.
23. Ireland - Kill me now! Jedward, with an admittendly catchy ditty. Finished a poor twentieth.
24. Serbia - Performed by a serial offender who had sung once before, written two songs before and been a previous host. Was unlikely to win again with this so-so song, but rather weirdly finished in third place.
25. Ukraine - The first of two weird, true Eurovision performances to end the contest, with male backing dancers wearing what appeared to be dresses.
26. Moldova - The always reliable Moldova entry, a country who have really worked out a real Eurovision performance/song. Performed by a bloke on his third attempt, but I wasn't watching him as the five backing dancers were suitably gorgeous. Although they danced weird and wore strange dresses, but who cares?
And with that the contest was over, not enough fun, too many dour songs and a dull interval act made it one of the poorer contests for sometime. Although the shots of Baku throughout showed a really stunning, oil wealthy city.
However the winner which was Sweden by a landslide was certainly a worthy winner albeit not a blonde. She gave an excellent performance both in song and motion and the performance was simply excellent.
No comments:
Post a Comment