Darn It.

Socks: An enigma of mankind.

Why can you never find a complete pair? You're running late, you need to get going, but you can't find two damn socks that are the same! There is nothing worse than turning up for an important meeting wearing blue and yellow stripes on the left and pink with red spots on the right. Also before you ask, only a real man owns socks that colour without having any confusion about their sexuality. I am a man and there is no question OK.

However, back on subject again. Socks. What to do with them. You may not be able to find a pair sure, but the even more annoying thing for me is the damn holes that get everywhere. There is no reason for the position where some holes occur, its ridiculous. I would expect the end of the foot where my obscenely long toenails poke through, sure. I would even expect the heel to get the wear it deserves.

But some of the others are ridiculous. I have socks that look like a snake has used them as a balaclava in a bank job, and others where a ferret has used one as a full body suit and left a hole for urination.

Now as I say, I am a man, no question, so I get wary of looking unmanly, but these things need doing. I mean why should I have to buy new socks just because my cat has been using them as a pretend gimp mask. I mean its just not right. So, I close the curtains, lock the door, put on a tiny little lamp and get my needle out. I mean I would rather be caught with my other needle out that darning my socks, but its just got to be done.

It is also quite therapeutic, in a manly way that is. A calmer of nerves, a reliever of stress. Even if you are a man, I would recommend you give it a go, you just might like it. However tell no one I told you this, and tell no one you had a go, or your manliness will be severely dented.

However I must stop writing now, as I have ironing to do and the dishes just won't wash themselves. Now just where did I put my marigolds?