Oh Brother, Who Art Thou?

What do these people have in common?
Tara Reid, Sally Bercow, Jedward, Kerry Katona, Lucien Laviscount, Bobby Sabel, Darryn Lyons, Amy Childs, Paddy Doherty and Pamela from Baywatch.
The answer: they are all celebrities. Yeah, right...

So here we are again just ten seconds after the Big Brother house was axed forever, it is back, on Channel 5. No screaming Davina though, just Brian "not famous at all, just happened to win this programme and may as well do as hosting this god forsaken programme" Dowling.

So in no particular order let't look at the freaks, I mean "celebrities".

Tabloid explosion Kerry Katona was always going to be in their from the start seemingly, a cheap version of the out of control and never ever ever ever going to be in their Charlie Sheen. Dropped into the house purely to cause controversy as is the want of this hideous show.

Now Darryn Lyons, obviously no one has heard of simply because even in the outer extremities of celebrity he doesn't exist. Reason being because he takes god damn pictures of them celebrities. I mean what the hell?

Lucien Laviscount, nope no idea *wanders off to Google (other search engines are available, but don't bother using them)* Now, I think Google is not sure who he is either, such is the horror of these celebs. However he is a superstar of Waterloo Road and Coronation Street (who isn't?) apparently, so all is good.

Now Paddy Doherty and Amy Childs I shall deal with together simply because it will get them over with quicker. Much is the increasing horror of television is that you now become a celebrity because you have been on another reality show and here we have two more entities from such shows. Nobodies who should never have been anybody and now like Amy, they are even coming from reality shows which are not even reality shows. Where will it end? I have no idea, but I hope I ain't there when it does.

Bobby Sabel, nope no idea and this time can't be bothered to Google.

Jedward! Please god NO! However sadly yes. Famous for less than nothing and that is overstating the case.

Tara Reid. There to no doubt reveal the surgically enhanced chest area.

Now while talking about chests, we have Pamela from Baywatch!. But no, not the Pamela from Baywatch. This Pamela from Baywatch was in fourteen episodes and is the former wife of the Hoff. I mean fourteen episodes, if I had fell asleep on the beach among the bouncing breasts I would have been in more episodes.

Finally, thank god, we have Sally Bercow, the publicity seeking wife of the speaker of the house. All we can hope for is that she gets all dirty on the infra-red cameras and the old man stands up in the house and shouts "ORGY! ORGY!"

However, there we have it a collection of celebs who are no doubt less famous that those incoming ones to the "normal" Big Brother will become.

As a side note to Channel 5, no live feed I see. Not really Big Brother is it when all you have is carefully edited highlights that the producer wants you to see.

Time to bulldoze the place with the creatures still in their...