Theatre Review: The Duck House at the Vaudeville Theatre, London

From the moment Ben Miller strides onto the stage of the Vaudeville and delivers a concise and funny introduction to proceedings, I got the uncanny feeling that I was going to like this play. A lot.

Written by Dan Patterson (Mock the Week) and Colin Swash (Have I Got News For You and Private Eye), this is a comedy (read farce) of the highest order. Set in May 2009, that wonderful time when our beloved MP's were exposed as the expenses villains we now know them as, this is near the knuckle stuff. The early part takes great joy in creating comedy from what we now know, lampooning many that were later to be in government in a very knowing and very funny way.

The lead roll of MP on the turn Robert Houston is played with delicious exuberance by Ben Miller, when needed, channeling the supreme reaches of an out of control Basil Fawlty, while still being able to deliver those so subtle jokes so well. He just seems not only perfect for the role, but totally enjoying it. Making it all the better for us.

Having seen Miller on television a great deal, none of this is really a surprise. Simon Shepherd though for me was a standout surprise. Very much more familiar for serious roles, his part in this as Sir Norman Cavendish is a revelation. Giving his all, especially in his hysterical second act performance, he really was the surprise of the play.

The rest of the cast were unfamiliar to me (yes even Diana Vickers, what is The X-Factor?!?) but without a shadow of a doubt all are superb. Off the four Debbie Chazen is the best (Add Russian accent "Hello"); sadly very much underused in the second act, as Russian housekeeper Ludmilla. Pretty much stealing every scene she appears in, she is a delight.

That is not to detract from the remaining three performers, with Nancy Carroll superb as the technophobe wife Felicity Hoffman, and James Musgrave pulling off several costumes with style and verve, yes even that *spoilers* suit as son Seb. Diana Vickers has less to do as Seb's girlfriend Holly, only appearing in the second act, but having a "hard hitting" role and the best costume of the show, even more than that *spoiler* suit. Although I may be biased in that.

The set is perfect also, with the first act being very much a farce set, standard living room laden with goods (not sure who paid for them), while the second act set is bang on and neatly presented at the start by a startled Miller.

There is no question that if it is humanly possible for you to get to see this play then you should. Some of the funniest moments you are likely to see this year (or next), be it TV, film or theatre. Featuring the best acupuncture joke I have ever heard, the best use of a *spoiler* suit ever, impressive use of dairy product in a running gag and a cast performance from the gods. Please stop reading this and go and buy a ticket will you, but I am afraid that you are paying...

The Duck House is on at the Vaudeville Theatre, London until March 29th 2014.
www.vaudeville-theatre.co.uk/The-Duck-House.html

BREAKING NEWS: Father Christmas Pulls Out Of Northampton

In a news exclusive, a Small Mind can reveal that following lengthy talks with Legal & General, the seasonal visit of Father Christmas on the 25th December will now not be taking place.

In an exclusive interview, Mr Christmas said "Ho Ho Ho Ho. Residents of Northampton! I am so very sorry that my sleigh will not be passing over the skies of your fair town this year. I had been in talks for many months with Legal & General over terms, and unfortunately despite my very best efforts, I was unable to come to an agreement that met with my requirements. I hope to return, full of joy, with bells a ringing and sleigh a sleighing next year."

This news was surprising to residents of the town when I revealed it to them yesterday.

A resident "This is terrible news, my little boy is going to be traumatised now with this and will likely be in rehab for years to come!"

Another resident: "I can't believe this is happening! How am I going to explain all them toys that have pushed my credit card over the limit?"

A further resident: "Ahhhhhh a talking brain! In a jar!"

A Small Mind was unclear regarding the leverage of Legal & General in the town, so I consulted an expert for an explanation.

Eamonn Fitzpatrick (local businessman): "Three pound of potatoes for a pound. Any bowl of bananas a pound! This lengthy cucumber can be yours love for 80p. All my produce is better than that tat in Tescos."

A Small Mind then consulted another expert.

Mr Willy Gilder (BBC Radio Northampton political expert): "Well it turns out that rather surprisingly Legal & General have somewhat more power in the town than was first thought. I have discovered in papers hiding under Mr David Mackintosh's (leader of the council) desk that earlier this year Legal & General obtained the air rights within the town boundary and since then have held all the negotiations for air traffic. Therefore Mr Christmas was required to obtain air clearance for his sleigh to deliver all the parcels for the little girls and boys. This it would seem he was unable to obtain and has therefore had no choice but to pull out of Northampton."

With this shocking news discovered, a Small Mind spoke to several air users within the town for their opinions.

An air user: "I am outraged, my daddy took me to Abington Park and while I was playing with my remote controlled air plane, a man approached and asked whether we had clearance to use the air space. My daddy was then made to pay a fine from my pocket money! WAAAAAHHH!"

Another air user: "Mummy refused to pay that man the fine and he cut the string on my kite! WAAAAHHHH!"

A further air user: "Quack! Quack! Quackety! Quack! Quack!"

In an attempt to get further information, a Small Mind then contacted the Chronicle & Echo newspaper and through editor David Summers a statement was obtained from Northampton Borough Council.

"The news that Mr Father Christmas will not be visiting this year is off course unfortunate, however the Council has been working hard with Legal & General in obtaining an adequate replacement. Therefore we are happy to announce that following long negotiations, the wonderful locally based 99p stores will be providing quality toys from their range. These will all be delivered to little boys and little girls who have been nice and not naughty this year. We are hopeful that all deliveries will be made by the 30th January 2014.

We are also hopeful that negotiations can be resolved for Mr Father Christmas' involvement within the town next year."

Therefore, despite this obvious sad news. Having seen one of the plastic toys that will be this years presents and the quite splendid ribbon (20 metres for 99p) that is tied around it, it is obvious that the best has been made of an unfortunate incident.

The leader of Northampton Borough Council, Mr David Mackintosh was unavailable for comment.

TV Review: BBC Cold War Season - LEGACY

Dowdy, grim, dark, moody, country hit by an energy crisis, hardly a character smiling, this drama was set in England of 2013, oh I mean 1974. And what a drama it was!

Solid acting, a strong non sensational and intelligent story, a lack of unnecessary "action" set-pieces. This was a perfect, if dull (in the style, not quality sense) drama. Everything that a drama of the period needed to be.

Lead Charlie Cox as rookie spy Charles Thoroughgood, was an actor unfamiliar to me, but appearing in pretty much every scene, he gave a quality performance as the spy with a complicated history.

Romola Garai however was an actress I had been in love with since her turn in The Hour, a bright and glossy role, far removed from the dowdy, but still beautiful Anna March. In a relatively slim role, Romola did all that was required, looking mostly glum with her husband and glowing (love struck?) with Charlie.

The spy boss (either at his desk or the local cafe), Hookey, was played by the very familiar to me Simon Russell Beale, having seen him rattling off words to the dozen in the Harold Pinter play The Hot House earlier in the year. It was unusual to see this actor having less lines in an hour and half than he probably had in a minute earlier in the year. However as to be expected of such a renowned stage actor, it proved a doddle and he filled every scene he was in.

Finally Andrew Scott as the Russian spy was an interesting proposition, mainly known as the insane, squeeky voiced Moriaty in Sherlock. Hearing him deliver his lines with a strong (maybe too caricatured?) Russian accent was weird. However he was OK, although undoubtedly the weakest of the four leads.

The visual appeal of the play was exemplary, the washed out, grainy look suited the piece perfectly. Although like many of these "gritty" dramas, I really could have done without the never still camera work.

Also a special mention for the very strong music from Ruth Barrett, highly commanding when it needed to be (striding across a field) but equally contemplative when required. An aural feast!

Overall though, this was an excellent, intelligent drama, maybe not for those who have a constant need for action, but for those that require a fix away from witchetty grubs and other brainless reality shows this was the perfect antidote!

BBC iPlayer: http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b03k3cc2/ available until Thursday 5th December 2013

FOR SALE: SEKHEMKA MACKIMUS

The rarely sort after Sekhemka Mackimus is shortly to be made available for sale in an attempt to remove misguided and total one vision management from the organisation known as Northampton Borough Council.

It has become clear to those under the influence of the aforementioned item that whenever it comes up with an idea or plan for its dominions, this must be passed at all costs. No idea is too outlandish and neither must any plan not be fulfilled despite any possible disinterest or concern of the peasants under his order.

Sometimes regarded as a god by those that kneel at his feet, the Sekhemka Mackimus is an uncontrollable force that hopes at all times to do good for all those beneath him. However like many that assume power, he now knows no wrong and has at his control the baying hoards in the chambers known as the Guildhallus.

There are many however that are concerned at the power and control that this forceful grinning person has become and the dominions have revolted and having passed a charter for its removal, the item known as Sekhemka Mackimus is shortly to go up for sale on Internet auction site eBay.

A reserve of 99p will be set with the hope of achieving at least £10 to cover postage and packing costs. There is the hope that a buyer can be found overseas, but all are realistic that this may not be achievable at this current time.


Once the sale is completed for Sekhemka Mackimus there will then also be a fire sale of another troublesome object elsewhere in the town, the Satyr Harkerus.

Blocked By The Leader Of The Gang, I Am! - David Mackintosh And His Northampton Borough Council

For those that follow me on Twitter (countable on one deformed hand), I am sure it could be agreed that I am not the most evil of evilness on what can be a place of terrible material. However it turns out that by way of humorous, political and apparently cutting comment, I have found myself blocked by the most worthy of worthy people, the leader of Northampton Borough Council.

Oh! I thought. What foul thing did I send him to cause such a thing to happen? I could not recall sending him a death threat, a bomb threat, or a threat to shave his pussy cat (if indeed he has one). Perhaps in a drunken stupor I sent some foul slur upon thigh and tipped forth him over the edge. However to be fair, I am as likely to ever get in a drunken stupor as have a sordid night of passionate sex with Kylie Minogue, Emma Watson, Victoria Pendleton, Maria Sharapova and Anne Widdecombe (all at the same time).

So not really knowing what had tipped him over the edge, I investigated and it turned out it was one of these tweets:

@NorthamptonBC I know the market sq "fountain" is caput, but would is be difficult to keep the clock working? @WillyGilder @davidmackintosh

@NorthamptonBC @davidmackintosh Enterprise to take just two green bags of waste a week. Oh how we laughed! @WillyGilder @ChronandEcho

#ThatAwkwardMoment when @Stuart_Linnell asks @davidmackintosh some cricket questions on @BBCNorthampton

@ChronandEcho We were all spared the sight of @davidmackintosh hanging naked off the wrecking ball then. #phew

@NorthamptonBC @davidmackintosh As Enterprise take all bags second week, whose time & money did they waste? @WillyGilder @ChronandEcho

Notes From A Small Mind: Grand Theft Auto: Northampton - http://fromasmallmind.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/grand-theft-auto-northampton.html … @callum_jones22 @ChronEditor @davidmackintosh

@davidmackintosh "Young man, there's no need to feel down. I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground."

in reply to

Construction work has started today at Railway Station in Northampton. Great news for town #northamptonalive pic.twitter.com/0vUdPLpw3Y

So pretty random but conclusively one of these had caused the public employed leader of the council to take a turn for the worse and block me from following him.

Well, I thought, I am sure worst thing have been sent to him, so I reckoned for someone so high up in the echelons of politics he really must have thin skin, or maybe like many politicians in power he just knows best and the people who pay his wages are just wrong and stupid.

So leader of the council, an important job, but my thin skinned friend has he eyes set much higher in the future with his plans to hopefully stand as Conservative MP in my area. So this got me thinking even more, if he is unable to take the above for the leader of the council position, is he truly cut out for the benches of Westminster? Surely the above is going to be small beef for what is to come if he is lucky enough to take up this position.

So as not to make this a total attack on Mr Macintosh though, I have to say I admire his position of always believing he knows the best thing for Northampton. I disagree over many of his ideas that is true, but as a leader, he sure seems to know how to get what he wants, no matter how disastrous maybe some of it is to become in the future. We all need strong leaders, I suppose, but my fear with some people, they just always seem to think they know the right thing to do and just can't see that just once in a while, they might, just might be wrong on something...

GRAND THEFT AUTO: NORTHAMPTON

Arriving in the shops today is the latest ground breaking game in the hit series. Set across a sprawling ten square miles of the English county of Northamptonshire, the game sees serial criminal Kingsley Heath relocated to the new patch following a daring escape from the gangland world of Swindon.

Featuring miles of inner town ghettos and stiff upper-lipped countryside to explore the game features fifty stunningly diverse missions.

Missions include:

M1.10
Struggling to get on in the new town, Kingsley has to take on the roll of fountain cleaner on the town market. With dynamic physics and stunning graphics, you must keep control of the out of control urine and faeces that keep appearing in the water. Mission complete after accumulation of 10 tons of waste matter.

On completion of M1.9 the first town unlock occurs and Abington Street becomes accessible to traffic.

M2.1
Following the opening of Abington Street to traffic, chaos ensues as an epidemic of out of control five year olds find themselves in danger from vehicular transportation. Your task this mission is to save one hundred children in five minutes from the perils of un-pedestrianisation.

M2.10
The sedate and pleasant locale of Kislingbury Lawn Bowls Club is being terrorised by the evil rogue radio DJ John Griff and his bowl polishing machinations. With grip gone and bowls flying in all directions endangering the old members, you must team up with Griff's Radio Northampton colleague Helen Blaby and rough all the bowls up before the Presidents Cup.

Upon completion of M2.10, the second map unlock occurs adding a further three square miles of play area with the opening of this roadway:

M3.05
Kingsley finds himself in the pay of an unscrupulous building developer and given control of a bulldozer, he is tasked with "accidentally" destroying a listed building that the land owner has been having trouble with. You have 90 seconds to destroy the building before the police arrive.

M3.10
Market Stallholder Eamonn "Fitzy" Fitzpatrick needs your help and quick. A criminal market trader has flooded the fruit and veg trade with exploding plums and carrots. You have three minutes to clear the stalls of the explosives before disaster strikes.

Upon completion of M3.10 A greater part of the Sixfields area opens up for play:

M4.01
Chronicle & Echo sports writer Jefferson Lake is concerned when Northampton Town start winning games and with the aid of colleague Callum Jones and editor Steve Summers they discover the team has been duplicated by alien replicas under a slow infiltration of the planet Earth. In control of a fixed cannon, Kingsley must defend Sixfields from the ever increasing numbers of alien invaders.

M4.10
The black bin bags are out of control. Piling up in the street, Enterprise have no way of containing them. Controlling a super bin lorry, you have two days to clear the streets of rubbish before Northampton is buried under a mountain of waste.

M5.03
The Northampton Clowns are out of control. Increasing in numbers every day, Kingsley must use his hosepipe to remove one hundred fake wigs and noses before the town becomes a total circus.

M5.10
Following a botched genetic experiment, Northampton Kingpin David Macintosh is infected with harmful material and grows to magnificent proportions. Having gone insane he threatens all of the inhabitants of Northampton. In control of a gunship, Kingsley finds himself in the final battle to save the town. As David Macintosh hangs from the lift tower can you finally overcome the monstrosity he has become?

Television Review: Blackout

Following a fine tradition of British docudramas that have included The War Game and Threads, Channel 4's Blackout set out to depict several days in Britain following a nationwide electricity failure.

Supposedly this could be a very real threat in the near future and the programme depicted the event through the eyes of several characters in a very impressive and understandable way. From the mother and child to the Tom Good character, it provided the stark truth of life in such an event.

Using camera footage and and real life footage we were left feeling pretty much repulsed by what could and indeed what did happen with regard the 2011 riots. So much footage from those riots was used, it could have been hard to have even made the programme effectively without them. However before them riots, maybe a drama like this would have been less effective. Since them though, we "the normal" people can really see how truly close we are to anarchy in the UK.

The key character was indeed the person who was most prepared for this event. Providing for his family in a most complete way, everyone watching knew from the outset that he was going to the target from the desperate and undesirables of the world. His decent from always prepared scout mentality to looter and effective thug depicted well that to be honest you might as well not bother being ready.

Keeping it real throughout we were offered snippets of facts, generally showing how unprepared we truly are for such an event. Whether this could be suggested as scaremongering or not could be up to the viewer. The fact that the batteries in the hospital only last thirty minutes could probably be the most concern. Even my old Samsung phone lasted longer than that.

The cast, as is the case in these programmes, were generally unknowns and in the main were impressive enough, although the girl in the hospitals make-up was perhaps more dynamic than the performance. The pacing was excellent, with the final half hour "containing very strong language" giving a good pay-off for the gradual build-up of the first hour.

Overall though, it was a valiant attempt and was disturbing enough and in one particular case at the end, shocking enough to live up to the billing.

*****

An exclusive still from a deleted scene from Channel 4 docudrama #blackout pic.twitter.com/BPNm7lr8cO
— A Small Mind (@asmallmind) September 9, 2013