My New Best Friends.

I would like to introduce you all to my new best friends, they are Dave and Angela Dawes.

They don't know that I am their best friend yet as I am only just writing a letter to introduce myself, but why on earth would they not like to be my friend?

I have so much to offer them with my sparkly personality, and I mean what do they have to offer me from their lives? I mean what could possibly be interesting from them winning £101 million?

For brightening their lives up, I would be happy to take a few pounds of holiday, house and fast moving sports car from them. They are the ones in the win win situation here with me as their friend.

And of course they are going to need some help to get the weight of that money out of their bank accounts. That kind of money is an uncontrollable force, creating over £10,000 interest a day, and I am more than happy to help them control it. Only a premiership footballer would be unhappy with that kind of money.

So, I appeal directly to my new friends. Counteract all those nasty negative newspaper headlines that you are already getting and present a wad of that money to a complete stranger, and of course that complete stranger needs to be me, as your new bestest, bestest buddy...